The Couch Potato Challenge

$10,000. Two years of real S&P 500 history, and we won't tell you which two. One button. Your opponent: a couch that buys on day one and does nothing. Cash earns the historical T-bill rate while you sit out. Every win is checked by a thousand understudies who replay your exact routine on random nights, and flukes get stamped COINCIDENCE.

The S&P 500 since 1928mostly up, occasionally theatricalThe couch's resting heart rate0Your edgeunder reviewFees charged in this game$0.00, savour itDividends in this gamenone, the couch plays handicappedThe 10 best daysfond of hiding inside crashesUnderstudies on payroll1,000The understudies' review of your timingpendingProfessionals beating the index long termroughly 1 in 10The couch's reaction to your hot tipnoneYour gutcharismatic, unlicensedPanicnot a strategy, still popularTime in the market vs timing the marketnot closeInjuries sustained by the couch since 1928zeroThe couch's strategy documentone page, blank, laminatedToday's matineethe same market for everyoneThe S&P 500 since 1928mostly up, occasionally theatricalThe couch's resting heart rate0Your edgeunder reviewFees charged in this game$0.00, savour itDividends in this gamenone, the couch plays handicappedThe 10 best daysfond of hiding inside crashesUnderstudies on payroll1,000The understudies' review of your timingpendingProfessionals beating the index long termroughly 1 in 10The couch's reaction to your hot tipnoneYour gutcharismatic, unlicensedPanicnot a strategy, still popularTime in the market vs timing the marketnot closeInjuries sustained by the couch since 1928zeroThe couch's strategy documentone page, blank, laminatedToday's matineethe same market for everyone